就是一个我自己写的句子不知道语法上有什么错误 具体的句子在补充中

首行的than应改为that；technology applied to mang military field改为technology in military fields更简洁；最后一句改为It is significant that the troop should enroll talent with professional knowledge acquired at university.即：
A large number of undergraduates are eager to join the army that extremely demands advanced technology in military fields.It is significant that the troop should enroll talent with professional knowledge acquired at university