给作文打分（四级水平）

College Students Should Attend Physical Exercise
As we all know,physical exercise can do good to our health,however,many college students still do not take part in sport activities.(开头句表达要精彩,彰显英语表达水平,换用复杂句,换用含有高级词汇的词组.) Some of them think those activities just waste their time and others thinks physical exercise may have a bad influence on their study.(不同观点通常分为两个不同的段落进行陈述,另外think是很单调的用法,尝试换用believe,suggest,aruge等.) Indeed,it is unwise to keep distance from physical exercise because it do not ad but good to every college students.(这句话是直接翻译的,词组的用法不正确,语意不清.)
College students can benefit from(benefit的用法要注意) physical exercise.First of all(很基本的"首先",尝试换用first and foremost),attending sport activities can help them build a strong body.We all know that "The body is the captial of revolution".(直接翻译的,老外没有办法理解的东西.) Moreover,physical exercise is an effective way to release presssure(直接翻译的,不正确,英语里说减压,而不是释放压力,改正为"reduce pressure) and keep a pleasent mood(keep in a pleasant mood,注意不要直接翻译,要注意用法).If a college student enjoy the sport,he will forget all his annoyance(这个词在这里用不正确).Last but not least(中间没有过渡,first完了就是last,而且还是 not least),by attending sport activities,a college student can have more chances to contact with others,(非限定定语从句)which can help him improve social skills.
Nowadays,there are many kinds of sport activities for college students to choose from.(注意词组完整性) As for me,I am keen on swimming,I think it is the best choice in summer and I have gained a lot from it(用法不正正确) and enjoyed great pleasure.(用法不正确.)
All in all,physical exercise is benefit to every college student,and therefore,do not hesitate to attend sport activities!
点评:文章中直接翻译的痕迹非常明显,而词的用法掌握的不是十分准确,严重影响得分.希望注重英语基础,多练多改,多积累,不要编写自己不确定的内容.文章结构上比较有条理,但结构方面要按照四级的要求进行调整.注意句与句之间的衔接,不要刻意拼凑内容,没有联系的两句话是不可以写在一起的,引起逻辑混乱.