帮看下这句子是否有问题再帮我分析一下结构

facors 其实不用写出来也行的,加了也不太影响,只是会有点累赘而已啦!
have become a concern to many people有点chinglish,可以改成have been paid more and more attention to .
总的来说,可以改成what lead to this phenomenon and what we can do to solve the problem have been paid more and more attention to .
纯属个人愚见,互相交流一下吧!