Teacher:When you yawn,your supposed to put your hand to your mouth!
Pupil:What ,and get bitten!
Teacher:You aren't paying attention to me.Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil:No,teacher I'm having trouble listening!
Why were you late?
Sorry,teacher,I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too!
Teacher:Class,we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class:Hooray
Teacher:We will have the other half this afternoon!
Teacher:That's quite a cough you have there,what are you taking for it?
Pupil:I don't know teacher.What will you give me?
Son:I can't go to school today.
Father:Why not?
Son:I don't feel well
Teacher:Where don't you feel well?
Son:In school!
Teacher:You missed school yesterday didn't you?
Pupil:Not very much!
Father:I hear you skipped school to play football
Son:No I didn't,and I have the fish to prove it!
Pupil (on phone) :My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary:Who is this?
Pupil:This is my father speaking!
Father:How do you like going to school?
Son:The going bit is fine,as is the coming home bit too,but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!
1.Today,I want to tell you a joke,the three countries onto ghosts,the Chinese,French,British,gather together,they are squandering their respective countries to see whose spending even more strongly that the French people to put only rats drank whiskey irrigation,drinking,No go rat holes that rats on the dizzy,the British Brandy also filling the rats,the rats drank just afterHalo quickly on the Chinese people to the country's irrigation Erguotou mice,rats drilling holes.While Britain and France onto China onto the ghosts of ghosts laugh when I saw the rats out from the pit,holding a stick,shouting,cats,You give up.
2.Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctor's.
"What's the matter with you",asked the doctor.
"I have been broken all!",said the fool .
"Broken all,what's it mean?",the doctor was surprised.
Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:"Ouch!There is something wrong with my head."after that,he pointed to his back and said :"ouch,my back hurt."then,he touch his nose and said:"ouch,my nose hurt"……
The doctor thought a while and said :"you have a bad finger"
从前,有个傻瓜去看医生.那医生问他有什么病.那傻瓜说他全身伤了.那医生很疑惑.接着,那傻瓜用手指着头说：“很痛,我的头伤了.”接着,有指着背,鼻子,说它们都伤了.
那医生想了一会儿,说：“你的手指伤了.”
3.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.He says:"God,what is a million dollars to you?" and God says:"A penny",then the man says:"God,what is a million years to you?" and God says:"a second",then the man says:"God,can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
4.Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies.The nurse comes up to the first man and says,"Congratulations,you got twins." The man said "How strange,I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says,"Congratulations,you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm,strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally,the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations,you got twins x2." Man is happy and says,"Ironic,I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place,cursing God and banging his head on the wall.They asked him what's wrong and he answered,"What's wrong?I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
一个比一个效率高.
