问题描述：
这篇 雅思作文 够6分吗?
Some people think modern games can help children to develop wide range of skills, but other people argue that traditional games can be much better for developing such skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
我背了 《8分万能作文》里的文章 有些句子是改写那里的
大家帮我看看存在什么问题 结构是否生硬 有没有模版的痕迹 够不够6分
Games certainly have the potential to improve basic skills for children. In recent decades, we can easily observe a trend that children always concentrate more attention to modern games, especially the computer game, which is fairly popular among the younger generations. However, I still hold the view that traditional games are more beneficial.
Modern games are usually quite stylish and children often play them with the assistance of computers, television sets or other electronic products. However, studies have recorded that excessive computer using of any kind has obvious psychological and physiological effects on children. It will decrease their physical activity and increase obesity. Moreover, there are many children who appreciate the violent games tend to be less-tolerant and more frightened of he world around them. High levels of aggressive behavior with peers have also been clearly documented.
Fortunately, traditional games are in a quite different side. Most of the traditional games are very interactive; they usually act like leisure time activities such as basketball and volleyball. Many families make use of those games as a means to establish family bonds and transmit key values to their children. Therefore, a sizable number of parents feel that traditional games strengthen the family as a unit and children as individuals. Those games help children to develop important physical skills.
Totally, traditional games provide children a link to fitness and wellbeing. In addition, I think it is necessary to examine why increasingly children are playing basketball on the keyboard instead of the playground. Traditional games should be maintained by parents and teachers before children lose all potential skills.
Some people think modern games can help children to develop wide range of skills, but other people argue that traditional games can be much better for developing such skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
我背了 《8分万能作文》里的文章 有些句子是改写那里的
大家帮我看看存在什么问题 结构是否生硬 有没有模版的痕迹 够不够6分
Games certainly have the potential to improve basic skills for children. In recent decades, we can easily observe a trend that children always concentrate more attention to modern games, especially the computer game, which is fairly popular among the younger generations. However, I still hold the view that traditional games are more beneficial.
Modern games are usually quite stylish and children often play them with the assistance of computers, television sets or other electronic products. However, studies have recorded that excessive computer using of any kind has obvious psychological and physiological effects on children. It will decrease their physical activity and increase obesity. Moreover, there are many children who appreciate the violent games tend to be less-tolerant and more frightened of he world around them. High levels of aggressive behavior with peers have also been clearly documented.
Fortunately, traditional games are in a quite different side. Most of the traditional games are very interactive; they usually act like leisure time activities such as basketball and volleyball. Many families make use of those games as a means to establish family bonds and transmit key values to their children. Therefore, a sizable number of parents feel that traditional games strengthen the family as a unit and children as individuals. Those games help children to develop important physical skills.
Totally, traditional games provide children a link to fitness and wellbeing. In addition, I think it is necessary to examine why increasingly children are playing basketball on the keyboard instead of the playground. Traditional games should be maintained by parents and teachers before children lose all potential skills.
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