good news and bad news
The soldiers had been marching and fighting,they were dirty,hot andtired.One day,the general announced:"My men,I have some good newsand some bad news for you.Which one would you like first?"
"The good news!" they all shouted.
"OK," said the General."The good news is that you will each be receivinga complete change of clothing."
"Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers.
"And now for the bad news.Jack,you will change with John.John,youwill change with Tom.Tom,you will change with Robert.Robert .
译：好消息和坏消息
士兵们连续的行军,作战,他们又累又热又脏.一天,将军宣布：“士兵们,我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们.你们愿意先听哪个呢?”
“好消息!”他们嚷道.
“好吧,”将军说,“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服.”
“乌拉!”士兵们高兴地大叫起来.
“现在呢,该是坏消息了.杰克,你将和约翰换衣服,约翰,你和汤姆换,汤姆,你和罗伯特换,罗伯特……”
幽默]-what miles on The Car?
A blonde（金发女郎） and a brunette（黑人妇女） were talking,and the blonde was very stressed.The brunette asked her what was the matter.The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to sell her car,but no one would buy because it has 100,000 miles on it.
The brunette said to her,"I know a way that will help you sell it.I have a friend who can help you,but it's illegal."
The blonde said," I'll do anything."So the brunette gave the blonde the phone number of a guy who could turn back the odometer on her car.A week later the blonde and the brunette crossed paths,and the brunette asked the blonde if she had sold her car yet.
The blonde said,"Why would I sell a car with only 50,000 miles on it?!"
[幽默]- an Old Maid
In a tiny village lived an old maid.In spite of her old age,she was still a virgin.She was very proud of it.She knew her last days were getting closer,so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:"Born as a virgin,lived as a virgin,died as a virgin."
Not long after,the old maid died peacefully,and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said.The men went to carve it in,but as the lazy no-goods they were,they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long.They simply wrote:"Returned unopened."
[幽默]-名演员的最后一次机会
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says,"This is the most important part,and it has only one line.You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose.You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb,sniff the rose deeply and then say theline ‘Ah,the sweet aroma of my mistress.‘"
The actor is thrilled.All day long before the play he‘s practicing his line over and over again.
Finally,the time came.The curtain went up,the actor walked onto the stage,and with great passion delivered the line,"Ah,the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theatre erupted,the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried,"You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered,"What happened,did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director."You forgot the rose!"
[幽默]My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
"Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson.
"Makes no difference,"replied customer.
"What color?" asked the clerk.
"Any," he responded.
"Size?"
"Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said,slightly exasperated."My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them."
译：反正我太太明天会来换的
一位先生走进一家商店要买付手套.
“您是要布的还是皮的?”售货员问.
“没什么区别.”这位顾客回答.
“那您要什么颜色的呢?”售货员又问.
“什么颜色都成.”他回答.
“号码呢?”
“您就随便给我拿一付吧,”这位顾客有点不耐烦了,“反正我 太太明天都会来换的.”
