I think 主观性太强,建议改为in my view/point of view,/As far as i am concerned,就我看来．
另外,你的论证绝对 有问题,我写一篇．．
Recently,according to the news report,many student who are studying in middle school rarely do housework at home.Among parents and teachers various oponions vary widely on whether a middle school student should do housework or not.
A large proportion of parents and teachers hold that children's current vital mission is to study the schoolwork well so that they can get ahead in a growing tight competition surrondings.The rest of them think it necessary for students to engage in several houseworks.Only by doing that,a student can grow up to be mature and independent.Knowledge itself includes two aspects which separately derive from books and life.The two sort of knowledge is not incompatible,but mutually dependent and reinforcing.
As far as i am concerned ,there is pretty much need for us as a student to do housework ,after all,it gives us a chance to testify our knowledge learning from our textbooks and also help work out our body.So we should strive to find a balance point between them.In this way can we both study well and boast a good body.
再问： 我的词汇量不大，有很多都看不懂，你能用中文给我讲讲我的论证有什么问题吗
再答： 就是说，有点不严谨．就是 中间 逻辑衔接 有问题．
再问： 那可以怎么改啊
再答： 我都帮你写了一篇啦，你 借鉴下。
