请雅思高手帮我改下我的作文,

问题描述：

请雅思高手帮我改下我的作文,
Q:Traffic and housing problems in major cities would be solved by moving big companies,factories and their employees to the countryside.Do you agree or disagree?
In modern society,with the development of economy in majoy cities.More and more companies and factories invest in these developed cities.They set up their business by compete landscapes in cities and establish buildings or factories in order to creat profit.However,large amounts of buildings and employees lead numbers of people in cities increase.They could be raise the problems of traffic and housing.I am in favor of the point that moving big companies,factories and their employees to countryside.
As we all know,when there was no big companies and factories,city must be peace and people could not upset by traffic.Now,with the increased amounts of unlocaled employees in those companies,everytime go for work in morning and go home in the evening there must have traffic problems.Moreover,companies and factories make up landscapes to build building so that local residents could not buy flat to live,.On the one hand,countrysides have more landscapes for big companies to build buildings and there are much less people than cities.Employees live there can ease traffic problem in cities that will no longer affect cities,In anothes words,big companies ande factories to countrysides can boost local economy which inprove local people’s lives.
On the other hand,provided that countrysides advanced by big companies,it maybe creat the same problems as cities in the end.But these phenomenon will not occur in short time.Moving to countries just a shory-time method for the sake of traffic and housing problems in cities.
In all,although big companies move to countryside cannot solve essencial problems,it can improve the bad situations in cities in degree.I think government can take good measures in future.
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请问这篇作文能打多少分,我是考雅思作文的 250词.哪里需要改进的指点下好吗?

1个回答分类：综合 2014-12-04

问题解答：

我来补答

你这个文章介于3.4-4.5,在不破坏你原意的前提下,帮你简单改了下,有不少低级语法错误,用词错误,整个文章形有了,但具体的细节还需要很大的加强才行,句子多备些地道的模板,不要自己编,用词要准确,不是很懂的词不要乱用,会扣分的,建议你多看点范文和好的文章先,再多写多改吧.加油!
Q:Traffic and housing problems in major cities would be solved by moving big companies,factories and their employees to the countryside.Do you agree or disagree?
In modern society,with the development of economy in major cities,more and more companies and factories invest in these developed cities.They set up their businesses （by compete land in cities ）and establish buildings or factories in order to create profits.However,large amount of buildings and employees lead to an increasing number of people in cities.They could raise the problems of traffic and housing.I am in favor of the solution that moving big companies,factories and their employees to the countryside.
As we all know,when there were no big companies and factories,city will be peaceful and people could not be upset by traffic.Now,with the increased amount of employees in those companies,every time they go for work in the morning and go home in the evening there must be some traffic problems.Moreover,companies and factories make up land to build building so that local residents could not afford to buy flats to live.On the one hand,countryside has more land for big companies to build buildings and there are much less people than that in cities.（Employees live there can ease traffic problem in cities that will no longer affect cities.） In other words,big companies and factories to countryside can boost local economy which improves local people’s lives.
（On the other hand,） provided that countryside advanced by big companies,it maybe create the same problems as cities in the end.But these phenomena will not occur in a short time.Moving to countries is just a short-time solution for the sake of traffic and housing problems in cities.
In all,（although big companies move to countryside cannot solve essential problems,） it can improve the bad situations in cities in some degree.I think the government can take good measures in future.

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