麻烦帮我看看这篇作文能得多少分好吗,马上就要考新托福了

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麻烦帮我看看这篇作文能得多少分好吗,马上就要考新托福了
Some people believe that a college or university education should be available to all students.Others believe that higher education should be available only to good students?
Have you have ever seen how hardworking the high school students are?Sure you have.Being one of the university students,we all have the past that fought for a ticket for getting the opportunity to gain a university education.Here come to the question,does higher education should be only available to good students?Just like most issues there are arguments on it,and of course,leads quite a lot of controversial.Different people held various opinions.It seems that people in growing number are beginning to accept that the university education should be the best members’ potent.While I am on pretty solid ground that such statement is nothing more than non-sense.As oppose to commonly accepted belief,I strongly argue that higher education should be available to all of the students.Numerous reasons to uphold my propensity could be listed and I will only explore some of the most important ones here.
As the old saying goes,all men are born equal.This should be not only hollow words but also seen by action.As civilian of the country,we all have the right to enter the university as long as we wish to get further education.One nationwide investigation conducted at more than two thousands high schools by experts indicate that the number of the students who regard the selection made by collages and universities as an unfair system occupies 75 percent of the whole interviewees.This survey is not isolated,it is only typical of dozens I have heart.To be honest,I will be one of them myself if I were the interviewee.This statistic may dramatically illustrate what I am talking about.
There is another factor that deserves some words here.Since the founding of new china,the economy and society have developed rapidly.The country has become increasingly prosperous,followed along with the increasing need for talented people in various domains.The expansion of the institutions that offer higher education is essential and urgent.It is perhaps surprising to argue that the university enrollment leads to numerous problems,the hardship in finding jobs,for instance.But being an international economics major student,I can say this is only caused by the drawbacks in our industrial structure.It has nothing to do with the education system.
Of course none of us could deny as every coin has two sides,my preference has its own drawbacks and limitations.But I definitely believed that the advantage of my statement drastically overwhelm any benefits we gain from the view that higher education should be only serviced for a group of people.Therefore I reinforce my perspective that the universities’ door should be opened for all the students who wish to get more knowledge about what they are interest in.
第一段上来的语法错误。one of ,然后又是we 偶刚提交就发现勒。其他勒?希望有经验的人帮看看啊。
1个回答 分类:综合 2014-11-05

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用功了这么多不错了,但是还有很多地方要改进,比如很多单词用的有些childish,比如good student 用dux代替感觉比较好,还有语法,稍微看了点Have you have ever seen 应该是Have you ever seen吧,还有a lot of controversial,controversial是形容词,还有一些感觉怪怪的地方,你在仔细看上几遍吧
 
 
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