A man and his wife were on a holiday.Theywent for a sail.Unfortunately the wife fell overboard and was drowned.The man asked the pier-master to let him know if her body was found.Two weeks later he received a wire saying:"Body recovered yesterday covered with crabs.Send instructions." The man sent a wire back saying,"Sell crabs,send the money; reset bait."
一个男人和妻子去度假.他们乘风出海,不幸的是妻子掉入海中淹死了.这个男人叫码头的负责人在妻子的尸体找到后通知他一声.二个星期后,他接到了一份电报：“尸体已于昨日找到,上边爬满了螃蟹.请指示.”男人回电报说：“卖掉螃蟹,收入汇过来；诱饵扔回海里.”
It was at a five o’clock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．
“So good of you to come,Mr．Jones,and where is your brother?”
“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come,so we tossed up for it．”
“How nice!And so original,too!And you won?”
“No,” said the young man absently,“I lost．”
五点钟,下午茶的时间,一个年轻人因为迟到向女主人致歉.
“您能来可真好,琼斯先生,您的兄弟在哪儿呢?”
“您知道我们在办公室里有非常忙,我们俩只能来一个,所以就掷币来决定由谁来.”
“太有意思了!还那么有独创性!那您赢了?”
“不,”年轻人心不在焉地说,“我输了.”
Joe was in the hospital and it was time for lunch.He looks at his lunch and says,"I don't like chicken soup,bring something else." The hospital worker said,"It's good for you,the doctor said you should have it." Regardless,the patient refused to eat it.That night,a patient in the room with Joe had a bad stomach pain so the nurses came in to give him an enema.By mistake,they gave the enema to Joe.The following week,when he was leaving the hospital,a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital.He told him,"Well,the hospital itself is pretty good,but they're very strict about their food.when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it,or else they'll come back in the middle of the night and shove it up your behind!"
Joe在住院,一天午餐时间,他看了看自己的饭菜,说：“我不喜欢鸡汤,拿点别的给我吧.”医院的护工说：“鸡汤对您的身体有好处,医生说您得喝这个.” 无论如何,Joe还是不肯喝.那天晚上,和Joe同房间的一个病人得了严重的胃病,于是护士过来给他灌肠.可是他们搞错了,给Joe做了灌肠.第二个礼拜,Joe出院时,新住进来的病人问他觉得医院怎么样.Joe告诉他：“这个医院本身是很好的,但是他们对伙食真的很严格,如果他们让你喝鸡汤,你最好喝了它,不然他们会半夜过来硬是从你后面塞进去!”
This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses．
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
“I want‘yes’or‘no,’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no,’”mildly responded the witness．
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer．
“Oh,” said the witness,“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife?”
这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师,他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人.
有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释.
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’,”辩护律师怒喝道：“你没有必要就这个问题进行争论.”
“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答.”这位证人温和地回敬他.
“不存在这样的问题!”律师厉声打断他.
“噢,”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗?”
