雅思作文,请大家帮忙看看能有几分,

问题描述:

雅思作文,请大家帮忙看看能有几分,
可能打进电脑时有些单词打错了
topic:whether the universities should accept the equal number of male and female students in every subjuect
In contemporary society gerder equailty has become recently increasingly.significant A controversial issue that is heatedly debated is whether the university should accept the same number of male and femde shderts in every subject As far as I’m concemed the universities should take the difference between male’s aptitude and femde’s aptitude towards a variety of subject as a cinsideration .
There is nothing wrong with the universities if they accept the same amount of male and femde students in every subject,To study with indivduals should have the same rigth to receive education .whether the subject has proved to be more suitable for male or female.Moveover,in this day and age,the former balone of jobs which are for males only .avaliable for females now It is evident that there is a definite link between emplayment and university edvcation Therefore,every subject in university should be opened to males and female student fairly.
However,the reality that there are abvius clistictions between males and femles should be counted So the universities still need to consider which subjects fit males nell,and which is suitable for females,For instance ,the cmceqnences form some well-known,research suggests that men are good at sciences and angineering while arts are approprite for women .what I mean is that becavse of the genetic factors .male students are more efficient to go further study in terms of sciences and engineering ,where as females students may have a more brigher future provided that they take arts as their major courses.Further more ,there are still many jobs that needs a specfic gender Take nurse as an example,it is obvious that women are more likely to get this work.So the universties also should accept more female students in nursing major in order to adapt to the reality .
In conclusion the universties nowadays need to have some changes to adapt to the new era.But the gender equality in every subjects is difficuld and unpractical to achieve.
1个回答 分类:综合 2014-10-19

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lz写的的确很急 大片大片的typos, 最主要是模仿痕迹太重,折中写法, 立意不高; 打7分鼓励一下
简单点评两处:
There is nothing wrong with the universities if they accept the same amount of male and femde students in every subject,To study with indivduals should have the same rigth to receive education . whether the subject has proved to be more suitable for male or female.
这里用To start with,稍显生硬,模仿痕迹太重.推荐换from an enlightened standpoint等万能句铺垫
For instance ,the cmceqnences form some well-known,research suggests that men are good at sciences and angineering while arts are approprite for women .what I mean is that becavse of the genetic factors .male students are more efficient to go further study in terms of sciences and engineering ,where as females students may have a more brigher future provided that they take arts as their major courses.
这两句作为主题段支持句,意思重复
 
 
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