求高手给我点评一下英语作文(两个首段)

问题描述:

求高手给我点评一下英语作文(两个首段)
Recently,we often hear that many college students have mental problems.It is common that mental health played an important role in students’ daily life.It caused a hot discussion in how to improve students’ mental health.
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With the development of social and technology,e-books are more and more popular in people’s daily life.We can reading by e-books almost everywhere at any time because e-books can designed in mp3,mp4,mobilephone and the like.
1个回答 分类:英语 2014-09-26

问题解答:

我来补答
这2段写的很好,也用了很多亮点加分词汇,像定语从句,还有发挥了重要的作用(play an important part)等等、
不过给点小建议:第一段的第一句,we often hear that (我们经常听说),这句有一点中国式英语.
可以尝试修改成:近年来,根据心理学家的统计数据来看,越来越多的学生.Recently,according to the psychologist's statistical data
小建议,请自己斟酌,
 
 
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