帮我看一下英语作文应该有很多错的地方,Many parents think students shuold go to

1.Many parents think students shuold go to cram school on weekends.W e shuold not to go out with friends.change to:
Many parents think that students shuold go to cram school on weekends and they shuold not go out with friends.加了连接词
2.But I think it is great pressure for teenagers to learn,we shuold be allowed to go out with friends on weenkends.change to:
I think they shuold be allowed we to go out with friends on weenkends because I think it can give us a big improve.
3.After studying for a week,we meed to have some of their time.change to:
After studying for a week,we meed to have some spare time.
4.Even if allowed,we must also pay attetion to safety.这句不是不好,而是如果这样接下去,就会很怪,你前面说的是在周末时玩的好处,现在有突然有even《即使》这词,那就成了：即使如果给,也要注意安全.这就跟前面的文字语气不相符.还有即使《even》=如果《if》,不能出现在同一句子.so,it can change to:If our parents allowed us to have the spare time,we will be very thank for it,but we need pay attention of the safety too,or we'll be hurt.