帮我修改一下这篇英语作文.

问题描述:

帮我修改一下这篇英语作文.
Be Myself
Hello! Everyone! I'm glad to meet you here! My name is Chen Kaiyan. And My English name is Melody. I was born on April 24th, 1996.I am a girl, who is 13 years old, studying in Jiangmen No.2 Middle School of Junior 2. At weekend, I also like to go shopping, listen to music or play computer games at home. About my study, my favourite subject is English. Learning English is very important and very funny for me, so I like it very much! And my idol is Super Junior. I like Korean cultures very much, too. Also, I'm looking forward to travel to South Korea.
.
Form the time I was little, I knew I was great, because the people would tell me. “ You are so great.” But they never tell me how great I would be if ever someone who was greater than me.
When I grow up, I begin to understand it is the best to do myself. Try my best to complete my power thing. Just be myself. I like to be myself, because it is the most natural, the most true .In the process of growing up, always meet failure, but I won't give up, be myself is the most important.
Every one has dream besides me. But I want to be myself.
Thank you.
帮我看看有没有语法错误,句式对不对,要快哦,谢谢。
1个回答 分类:英语 2014-11-18

问题解答:

我来补答
I also like to go shopping,-->去掉also,这是你第一次说自己喜欢什么
Learning English is very important and very funny for me-->
..and such a fun to me(funny更倾向于好笑,滑稽.介词用to)
Also,I'm looking forward to travel to South Korea.-->去掉also,前面有too,而且说的是同一个话题,不需要用also
Form the time I was little-->At the time when I was little,或When I was little
the people would tell me-->people told me so(后面不要直接引语)
do myself-->根据你想表达的意思改,这个说法不对
power -->根据想表达的意思使用一个正确的形容词,这是名词
always meet failure-->we will fail from time to time
be myself is the most important-->because be myself is the most important thing to do
Every one -->Everyone
Every one has dream besides me.But I want to be myself-->
想说什么?做自己也不一定没有梦想,话不应该这样说
如果这是演讲稿,少用从句和分词短语,多用短句,但要理清楚逻辑关系,以及各部分的连贯和承接.比如I am a girl,who is 13 years old,studying..
这句,尽量分成几个短句.如果是写信,也要求口语化一点,自我介绍的时候这样用从句不太好,好像是在介绍别人.
另,of Junior 2.改成second grade of ...school.因为middle school已经表达了junior的意思.也可以参照美国k12教育体系,算是8年级,8th grade
 
 
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