在你另外那个里面答的, 修改已经达到最大,所以发这来了.
童话恶搞太难了, 还是直接写笑话好了. 你要的词我给你花了横杠.
3. A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
"An' wot's this then?" he asked half ___in surprise___, half mockingly. The dog knocks the basket ___sharply___ into the butcher's shins.
"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.
The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.
The dog growls at him. The butcher couldn’t be more surprised if it started raining ___diamonds___, glaring at the pup, he gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.
"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"
Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.
The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.
"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there, you’re not ___appreciating___ him nearly as much as you should" comments the butcher.
"He's a stupid dog--that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key
1. The poor economy is affecting the supernatural world as much as the human one; decreased human spending and decreased human vacations means less food for these beings that feast on blood. ___At present___, many vampires have sunk their teeth into poverty.
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “I’m so hungry that I can’t sleep.”
The other one replies, “My __pockets__ are empty of gold and my fridge of blood, we have nothing else left to eat”
"Then let's fly out of the cave and get some blood." The first one responds quickly.
"We're new here," says the second one. "We haven’t received any training. We’re not __prepared___ to go out alone. Let’s wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat turned around, his buddy ___rapidly___ followed. Stopping at the mouth of the cave and pointing into the night, the first bat asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."
2. A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying a glass _necklace__ for the price of a diamond one because it was more sparkly, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."
The blonde then___ fastened___ the note to the kid's wrist and the poor kid, who was scared __silly___, went home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde made sure that everybody was __out of site__ before she checked under the apple tree, and sure enough, a paper bag was right there. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
4. Tom was hired as a long-term repairman for Mrs. Peterson, because she has moved to an old folk’s home but likes to keep her own house in shape for her grandchildren if they come to visit.
She told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Come to the house once a week, fix whatever needs to be fixed, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check every month. By the way, I have a large ___snake___ inside named Killer, he may look a bit __scary__ but he usually just ___buries___ himself in the large pile of sand in the corner. He won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"
Well, sure enough the snake, Killer, which the repairman found terrifying, totally ignored the repairman, but the every time Tom goes over, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
Year by year, Tom got more and more fed up with the parrot.
One day, as he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"
To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"
