ONLY A FEW WORDS
At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English."Don't you speak English at all?" the judge asks."Only a few words," replies the mugger.
"What words do you know?"
"Your purse or your life!"
DON'T BE SELFISH
A mother is admonishing her son.
----Now,John,don't be selfish.Let your little brother share the bicycle with you.
----But Mother,I do.I ride it down the hill,and he rides it up the hill.
Tom’s excuse
Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go Slow".
Bad news and very bad news
Doctor:I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient:Well,might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor:The lab called with your test results.They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient:24 HOURS!That's terrible!WHAT could be WORSE?What's the very bad news?
Doctor:I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
MONEY AND FRIENDS
A:Which do you find more important,money or friends?
B:Friends,of course.
A:Why?
B:I can always borrow money from friends.
