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麻烦各位帮忙检查一下这篇托福作文的语法错误,
When it comes to whether we should require young students to study art and music,the answers of many people may be negative.Because they believe that young children should be taught art courses only when they are interested in it; furthermore,even some parents regard music as merely a waste of time since they hope their children could get high scores and attend a fancy university.However,as far as I’m concerned,I definitely believe that art and music courses should be added into the syllabus of elementary and middle schools and there are two main reasons I would point out below.
First of all,mastering a skill of art is extremely beneficial to young people.For example,through performing in front of many audience,a child can build his confidence and strengthen his courage.Besides,playing musical instruments such as guitar and piano can certainly change a bad mood.I used to play guitar when I was tired or depressed and it would not be long before I felt joyful and energetic again.Therefore,I believe that music can really adjust my mood and cheer me up.
Secondly,although it is true that only those who are interested in arts can finally have a great achievement on it,we may not know about whether our children are into arts or not unless we let them be involved in arts at first.As we all know that because there was no chance to be introduced to music at a young age,many people find themselves are extremely obsessed with music when they grow into adults.If we let them have music lessons when they were young,who can say that they wouldn’t be great musicians in the future?On the other hand,musician is a greatly admirable career and lots of people have made quite a fortune from it.
In conclusion,I strongly suggest that young students should be required to learn music and art,because this would benefit a lot to both themselves and the whole society in the future.Anyway,we don’t want to miss any chance to cultivate great musicians for our society.
When it comes to whether we should require young students to study art and music,the answers of many people may be negative.Because they believe that young children should be taught art courses only when they are interested in it; furthermore,even some parents regard music as merely a waste of time since they hope their children could get high scores and attend a fancy university.However,as far as I’m concerned,I definitely believe that art and music courses should be added into the syllabus of elementary and middle schools and there are two main reasons I would point out below.
First of all,mastering a skill of art is extremely beneficial to young people.For example,through performing in front of many audience,a child can build his confidence and strengthen his courage.Besides,playing musical instruments such as guitar and piano can certainly change a bad mood.I used to play guitar when I was tired or depressed and it would not be long before I felt joyful and energetic again.Therefore,I believe that music can really adjust my mood and cheer me up.
Secondly,although it is true that only those who are interested in arts can finally have a great achievement on it,we may not know about whether our children are into arts or not unless we let them be involved in arts at first.As we all know that because there was no chance to be introduced to music at a young age,many people find themselves are extremely obsessed with music when they grow into adults.If we let them have music lessons when they were young,who can say that they wouldn’t be great musicians in the future?On the other hand,musician is a greatly admirable career and lots of people have made quite a fortune from it.
In conclusion,I strongly suggest that young students should be required to learn music and art,because this would benefit a lot to both themselves and the whole society in the future.Anyway,we don’t want to miss any chance to cultivate great musicians for our society.
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